How To Brainstorm in Iowa City

In the vein of:


If you’re on here, it means that I like you and I think you can take a joke. No offense meant.

If you’re not on here, it doesn’t mean the opposite. I just can’t think of anything to say about the way you play that’s entertaining.

Alex Ledo
Cast Brainstorm. Draw Myr Enforcer, Birthing Pod, Teleportal. Giggle like a little girl because your plan is finally coming together.

Adam Tellis
Cast Brainstorm. Draw Squadron Hawk, Jace, Cruel Ultimatum. Put back two Hawks. Apologize to your opponent for blasting them with jizz under the table before telling them to “GUI.”

David Skogen
Cast Brainstorm on your main phase. Draw Thoughtflare, Sphinx’s Revelation, Opportunity. Tank for eleven minutes. Put back two Supreme Verdicts and pass. Die to your opponent’s on-board attacks and argue that you made the right play for the next two weeks.

Eric Rath
Cast Brainstorm. Draw two Fartseeks and a Fart//Away. Piss yourself from laughing so hard and then tell everone who will listen about how much fun you’re having.

Steven Metzger
Cast Brainstorm. Draw two Farseeks and a Far//Away. Piss yourself (and Wyatt Darby) in the hotel later that night.

Wyatt Darby
Cast Brainstorm. Draw Loxodon Smiter, Thundermaw Hellkite, Domri Rade. Put back two Bonfires of the Damned. Forget they’re on top and miss the miracle triggers on both.

Timothy Gruneich
Cast Brainstorm at four life against mono red. Draw Flashfreeze, Path to Exile, Leyline of Sanctity. Play Leyline. Opponent casts double Volcanic Fallout. Spend the rest of the day crying yourself to sleep in the car.

Shane McDermott
Cast Brainstorm on your opponent’s 24th end step. Draw Gifts Ungiven, Mystical Teachings, Life From the Loam. It doesn’t matter what you put back because your opponent hasn’t had a permanent on the board since turn six.

Ryan Detlefsen
Cast Brainstorm against mono red. Draw your three maindeck Blood Moons. Gaze longingly at Shane McDermott’s board state one table over and wonder where you went wrong.

Jason Kenjar
Cast Brainstorm. Lose your mind staring at the pictures on each card, then put back the two with the most text.

Alex Moriyama
Cast Brainstorm against mono red while you’re at 18 life. Draw Thragtusk, Thragtusk, Thragtusk. Have a nervous breakdown trying to figure out how the hell you’re going to win this game.

Dan White
Cast Brainst. . bahahaha, just kidding!

Derek Ibarra
Cast foil Japanese Brainstorm. Draw foil Japanese Jace, foil Japanese Karmic Guide, and foil Japanese 7th edition Birds of Paradise. Before you get to put anything back, the glare from your cards induces a seizure in your opponent and you win by default.

Patrick Kennedy
Cast Brainstorm.

Draw Fanatical Devotion, Noble Stand, Distorting Lens.

Later that night, tell everyone how much fun you had at the three-person Mercadian Masques block constructed event.

Steven Nesteby
Cast Brainstorm. The first card you draw is a Shivan Dragon, which reminds you of a woman you used to have a crush on, but it never panned out. Realize you have laundry to do and concede the game so you can go home.

Josh McClain
Cast Brainstorm. Before it resolves, ask your opponent if he’d like to flip a coin. If you win, you get to draw six cards, but if you lose, you have to put four cards on top. You lose. Pay for everyone’s breakfast, lunch, dinner, hotel, and gas for the remainder of the trip.

Travis Galueueueue
Your opponent casts brainstorm. Before it resolves, he asks if you’d like to flip a coin. If he wins, he gets to draw six cards, but if he loses, he has to put four cards on top. You win. Your opponent pays for your breakfast, lunch, dinner, hotel, and gas for the remainder of the trip.


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